Taking a break from tumblr because some people just won’t quit.

If someone is going to seriously accuse me of silencing and shaming rape victims, I’m just not sticking around for that bullshit. If there was an actual critical response to me, I’d be happy to hear it, but right now all I’ve got are lies that are purposefully written in quotes to look like it’s something I’ve said when they know I haven’t.

I never dismissed anyone, and if you don’t believe that, go look at every post (which I’ve left up and un-edited).

It’s ridiculous, and honestly, the more I hear from this person, they just sound like an abuser. Using the excuse of “talking from trauma”… to justify the things they’ve said (which have been lies). Even if no one reads their blog, I’m just really uncomfortable with those things even being said about me.

Anonymous: You mentioned really shitty stuff goes down with some follower or another every couple of months. If you don't mind me asking, what was the last big one that happened - just curious what you mean aside from this most recent shitty example (which you handled so well btw!)

TW: Rape

I think the last one was in November or December. I had queued up a quote by Gail Dines regarding something about men’s consumption of women. Now, I know Gail Dines has her downsides, but I’ve also never ignored or advocated for those. She just also says some spot-on things regarding porn culture because that is her area of expertise. I think it would be foolish to just disregard what she brings to the table in that realm.

Anyway, a longtime reader (whose user handle I actually recognized because she had sent in several asks over the past couple years) started sending me really nasty messages on tumblr and twitter, she was going around saying that I hated female sex workers (???). All because of that one quote, that wasn’t even about sex workers, but men. At first I just laughed to myself, because if she only knew me in real life, she’d eat her words. No big deal, try to shake it off, people are gonna talk. But then…

But then she told me that she was shooting a porno that night where she was going to get raped, and that she was going to think of me while it was happening.

She decided that was the best way to hurt me, so she stayed on that for two weeks, before giving it up, because I wasn’t responding.

As I said, she was a long time reader, she knew i was a survivor, and she went and said that on purpose to hurt me. It made me so sick. I felt betrayed. 

I should Be in Disbelief, But I’m Not

I am However, just as exhausted, put-off, and disappointed, as I am every other time something this has happened. And it’s been a while since something like this happen, so it was just a matter of time.

What is the something I am referring to - Well, it’s someone who follows my blog (not a mutual follow) and then makes it their mission to slander me.

I didn’t want to respond to that thread anymore, because I am done trying to get rumpelstiltskinix to shut down their bullshit witch hunt, based off of ludicrous claims about me. However, I do want to contribute one final response on my own blog:

They start their most recent reblog by saying, “Everything that’s been exchanged by Feminish and I can be found in this post.” …. but then they go and start making things up again!? It starts with them saying they saw a post I made today that "reeks of prison rape jokes - dismissive, snarky, cruel". I haven’t even made any posts today, yesterday, the day before that… that have anything to do prison rape, which if rumpelstiltskinix really followed my blog, would know that is a matter I take very seriously.

What’s making me extra uncomfortable and weary of rumpelstiltskinix, is that they are re-writing a narrative that never happen. They go to cite sktagg23’s comment to me about actual female rapists statistics. This was in response to an ongoing discussion on how men make up examples of female privilege.

When I responded to sktagg23’s comment, I said “But two percent, it’s not that far off from forty percent… :-/” with the tags #sarcasm (so people wouldn’t think I actually thought those numbers were interchangeable and indistinguishable) and #that dudes logic probably (because the guy was desperate to not acknowledge male privilege that he was making up DV and rape statistics).

Clearly, that response of mine had nothing to do with belittling cases where a woman is a rapist, but addressing this guys fake statistics intended to silence and dismiss the idea of male privilege.

I don’t know why rumpelstiltskinix is still so gung-ho on trying to get people to believe I don’t care about cases when non- cis men are rapists after citing me for being the one bringing grrlyman’s situation into light for many people.

And surprise, surprise, rumpelstiltskinix, I also didn’t mock your reading abilities? That’s just another thing you’ve mad up. I certainly wouldn’t mock anyone’s reading abilities ever, but I would question your ability to tell the truth regarding anything about me after seeing how many blatant and unforgiving lies you’ve spewed about me over the past day. Jesus.

What’s worse is that in rumpelstiltskinix’s most recent response, they keep putting things in quotes and vaguely attributing it to me, so it looks like I’ve said some gross things, when it’s actually not quotes, but things they are projecting on me… and perhaps hope spread around the internet so people will not realize it’s something they’ve fabricated? I think I’m getting warmer…

There’s more to their response, but as I’m reading through it to respond, I realize that I’m tired now and it’s not worth it. It goes on with some bullshit about how I shame people all the time and dismiss anyone who claims to be raped by a woman as an MRA…. ????

Now, if not already, you prbably understand why I’m done even trying to talk to this person. I was hoping they just misread something I originally wrote and needed clarification. But that’s not the case. I don’t know what they want, and I’m tired of trying to figure it out. They just sound like an abuser with the way the have rejected everything I have said, and rewritten it.

I’m insulted because I spend so much time and energy, for no money, running this blog for other people. That’s right, this blog isn’t for me, but other people. I would say about 99% of the time I am giving something away, and 1% I am getting something back. This blog is draining, but I do it because it’s necessary and I care about people. I’m not here for bullshit like this though.

To have someone swoop in for whateverthefuck reason, say I’m just shaming and silencing, slandering me from top to bottom, and only have lies to back it up- that makes me sick. rumpelstiltskinix, you make me sick. Stay the fuck away from me, please. I have nothing new, and nothing more to say.

rumpelstiltskinix:

feminishblog:

rumpelstiltskinix:

feminishblog:

But two percent, it’s not that far off from forty percent… :-/
xx

You know why the female rapist count is so low? I’ll give you a hint: it’s not for lack of female rapists.
It’s because when women of authority abuse that power, we assume they’re somehow victims. It’s because when a father rapes a child, we all know on an intellectual level that it’s wrong. When a mother rapes a child? You get laughed out of town. It “doesn’t happen”. Women “aren’t rapists”.
Let me tell you something. We’ve had female rapists in the family for generations. GENERATIONS. Every damned time, it’s been swept under the rug. You even hint that something might have happened, and you’re branded a liar and an outcast.
And you know what? I’m 99% sure that cycle of female sexual abusers is NOWHERE near the end of the line yet - and there’s not a damned thing I can do but watch.
Do you have ANY idea how many people have been molested or raped by their mothers, or grandmothers? No. Because “women don’t do that”.
Rape is not an XY gene. Rape is everywhere. 
Men may be the vast majority of rapists who get caught, or even acknowledged. But patriarchy and the idea of helpless, sexless women is where your 2% statistic comes from.
How about we stop arguing about WHO rapes, and start fighting against ALL rape?

I’m only addressing this because it’s irresponsible and dangerous to spread around false information like this.
You pulled that notion of where that statistic comes from out of you ass.
Nobody here said that female rapists don’t exist.
Nobody here said that rape is an XY gene.
Nobody here said rape has anything to do with sex (re: your comment about women being viewed as “sexless’ so they aren’t considered rapists).
Nobody here said that mothers and grandmothers have never been rapists as well.
You follow my blog, but it’s like you don’t read it at all. I advocate for proper education about rape and rape culture. I support and advocate all rape victims - that, of course, includes men and boys. But part of fighting against all rape is addressing who the majority of the perpetrators are, and that is men.
It’s not a gene, but it is absolutely a culture.
I am sorry that you have had female rapists in your family. They are disgusting. But that doesn’t change the fact of the matter that most rapists are men, and I don’t appreciate false information like what you’ve added attached to my posts.

What’s also cultural is the silencing of victims, both male AND female, who have been raped by women, and this is something you perpetuate by treating sexual assault by women like a joke.
My experience is not false information. The silence experienced by incest victims, which is well documented in conventional culture. There are MANY female rapists known in the feminist community alone, this small pocket of people - including you - who are doing our best with our human limitations to promote some basic level of human decency.
Some special rapist “2%” unicorns:
Kynn
Genderbitch’s rapist
grrlyman (source: YOU)
And for those who think that the “XY” comment was discluding transmen and women: sorry. Sometimes the fact that we count gets drowned out by the deafening silence of posts like this. Posts that tell us that our experiences, that the experiences of others that have buoyed us through our own trauma, DON’T COUNT.
You can address the main known perpetrators of sexual violence without scoffing at those who have been silenced.
That is cis privilege. This is the patriarchal privilege of getting to silence “minorities” that are far more vast than this society is ready to acknowledge. This is why people of non-cishet sexuality and gender get exploited at monstrous rates. And you know what? I generally don’t talk about it because on top of being robbed of my gender identity, I get yet another silencing round of “well, you’re the exception”.
I’m the exception because my disgust at the status quo is greater than my fear and loss from further rejection in my most vulnerable moments. I’ve already been disowned for speaking out.
I thought this was a safe space for rape victims, where we wouldn’t be mocked because our rapists weren’t cismen. I was mistaken.

Okay, leveling with you here: I’m super disappointed and done with this discussion (for fear you will make up more things for me to have said and spread those lies around the internet) after this response.
I never mocked you at all. Show me where I did that.
I didn’t.
I never said your experience doesn’t count. Show me where I said that.
I didn’t.
I never treated the matter of female rapists as a joke. Show me where I did that.
I didn’t.
What I’m finding to be really absurd is you acknowledged the work I put in creating awareness about grrlyman being a rapist, you even cited me, but then you still have the nerve to go and say that I think the subject is a joke.
I’m not scoffing at anyone, but you are making up a lot of bullshit about me, and I’m not going to stand for that. Tagging with #rapeapology and #rapeapologism, really?
It’s like your responses are to a completely different post.
The internet may be a joke to some people, and they may not think about the effects of what they say or who they say things about… I am not one of those people. But I am done with this now.

rumpelstiltskinix:

feminishblog:

rumpelstiltskinix:

feminishblog:

But two percent, it’s not that far off from forty percent… :-/

xx

You know why the female rapist count is so low? I’ll give you a hint: it’s not for lack of female rapists.

It’s because when women of authority abuse that power, we assume they’re somehow victims. It’s because when a father rapes a child, we all know on an intellectual level that it’s wrong. When a mother rapes a child? You get laughed out of town. It “doesn’t happen”. Women “aren’t rapists”.

Let me tell you something. We’ve had female rapists in the family for generations. GENERATIONS. Every damned time, it’s been swept under the rug. You even hint that something might have happened, and you’re branded a liar and an outcast.

And you know what? I’m 99% sure that cycle of female sexual abusers is NOWHERE near the end of the line yet - and there’s not a damned thing I can do but watch.

Do you have ANY idea how many people have been molested or raped by their mothers, or grandmothers? No. Because “women don’t do that”.

Rape is not an XY gene. Rape is everywhere

Men may be the vast majority of rapists who get caught, or even acknowledged. But patriarchy and the idea of helpless, sexless women is where your 2% statistic comes from.

How about we stop arguing about WHO rapes, and start fighting against ALL rape?

I’m only addressing this because it’s irresponsible and dangerous to spread around false information like this.

You pulled that notion of where that statistic comes from out of you ass.

Nobody here said that female rapists don’t exist.

Nobody here said that rape is an XY gene.

Nobody here said rape has anything to do with sex (re: your comment about women being viewed as “sexless’ so they aren’t considered rapists).

Nobody here said that mothers and grandmothers have never been rapists as well.

You follow my blog, but it’s like you don’t read it at all. I advocate for proper education about rape and rape culture. I support and advocate all rape victims - that, of course, includes men and boys. But part of fighting against all rape is addressing who the majority of the perpetrators are, and that is men.

It’s not a gene, but it is absolutely a culture.

I am sorry that you have had female rapists in your family. They are disgusting. But that doesn’t change the fact of the matter that most rapists are men, and I don’t appreciate false information like what you’ve added attached to my posts.

What’s also cultural is the silencing of victims, both male AND female, who have been raped by women, and this is something you perpetuate by treating sexual assault by women like a joke.

My experience is not false information. The silence experienced by incest victims, which is well documented in conventional culture. There are MANY female rapists known in the feminist community alone, this small pocket of people - including you - who are doing our best with our human limitations to promote some basic level of human decency.

Some special rapist “2%” unicorns:

  1. Kynn
  2. Genderbitch’s rapist
  3. grrlyman (source: YOU)

And for those who think that the “XY” comment was discluding transmen and women: sorry. Sometimes the fact that we count gets drowned out by the deafening silence of posts like this. Posts that tell us that our experiences, that the experiences of others that have buoyed us through our own trauma, DON’T COUNT.

You can address the main known perpetrators of sexual violence without scoffing at those who have been silenced.

That is cis privilege. This is the patriarchal privilege of getting to silence “minorities” that are far more vast than this society is ready to acknowledge. This is why people of non-cishet sexuality and gender get exploited at monstrous rates. And you know what? I generally don’t talk about it because on top of being robbed of my gender identity, I get yet another silencing round of “well, you’re the exception”.

I’m the exception because my disgust at the status quo is greater than my fear and loss from further rejection in my most vulnerable moments. I’ve already been disowned for speaking out.

I thought this was a safe space for rape victims, where we wouldn’t be mocked because our rapists weren’t cismen. I was mistaken.

Okay, leveling with you here: I’m super disappointed and done with this discussion (for fear you will make up more things for me to have said and spread those lies around the internet) after this response.

I never mocked you at all. Show me where I did that.

I didn’t.

I never said your experience doesn’t count. Show me where I said that.

I didn’t.

I never treated the matter of female rapists as a joke. Show me where I did that.

I didn’t.

What I’m finding to be really absurd is you acknowledged the work I put in creating awareness about grrlyman being a rapist, you even cited me, but then you still have the nerve to go and say that I think the subject is a joke.

I’m not scoffing at anyone, but you are making up a lot of bullshit about me, and I’m not going to stand for that. Tagging with #rapeapology and #rapeapologism, really?

It’s like your responses are to a completely different post.

The internet may be a joke to some people, and they may not think about the effects of what they say or who they say things about… I am not one of those people. But I am done with this now.

rumpelstiltskinix:

feminishblog:

But two percent, it’s not that far off from forty percent… :-/
xx

You know why the female rapist count is so low? I’ll give you a hint: it’s not for lack of female rapists.
It’s because when women of authority abuse that power, we assume they’re somehow victims. It’s because when a father rapes a child, we all know on an intellectual level that it’s wrong. When a mother rapes a child? You get laughed out of town. It “doesn’t happen”. Women “aren’t rapists”.
Let me tell you something. We’ve had female rapists in the family for generations. GENERATIONS. Every damned time, it’s been swept under the rug. You even hint that something might have happened, and you’re branded a liar and an outcast.
And you know what? I’m 99% sure that cycle of female sexual abusers is NOWHERE near the end of the line yet - and there’s not a damned thing I can do but watch.
Do you have ANY idea how many people have been molested or raped by their mothers, or grandmothers? No. Because “women don’t do that”.
Rape is not an XY gene. Rape is everywhere. 
Men may be the vast majority of rapists who get caught, or even acknowledged. But patriarchy and the idea of helpless, sexless women is where your 2% statistic comes from.
How about we stop arguing about WHO rapes, and start fighting against ALL rape?

I’m only addressing this because it’s irresponsible and dangerous to spread around false information like this.
You pulled that notion of where that statistic comes from out of you ass.
Nobody here said that female rapists don’t exist.
Nobody here said that rape is an XY gene.
Nobody here said rape has anything to do with sex (re: your comment about women being viewed as “sexless’ so they aren’t considered rapists).
Nobody here said that mothers and grandmothers have never been rapists as well.
You follow my blog, but it’s like you don’t read it at all. I advocate for proper education about rape and rape culture. I support and advocate all rape victims - that, of course, includes men and boys. But part of fighting against all rape is addressing who the majority of the perpetrators are, and that is men.
It’s not a gene, but it is absolutely a culture.
I am sorry that you have had female rapists in your family. They are disgusting. But that doesn’t change the fact of the matter that most rapists are men, and I don’t appreciate false information like what you’ve added attached to my posts.

rumpelstiltskinix:

feminishblog:

But two percent, it’s not that far off from forty percent… :-/

xx

You know why the female rapist count is so low? I’ll give you a hint: it’s not for lack of female rapists.

It’s because when women of authority abuse that power, we assume they’re somehow victims. It’s because when a father rapes a child, we all know on an intellectual level that it’s wrong. When a mother rapes a child? You get laughed out of town. It “doesn’t happen”. Women “aren’t rapists”.

Let me tell you something. We’ve had female rapists in the family for generations. GENERATIONS. Every damned time, it’s been swept under the rug. You even hint that something might have happened, and you’re branded a liar and an outcast.

And you know what? I’m 99% sure that cycle of female sexual abusers is NOWHERE near the end of the line yet - and there’s not a damned thing I can do but watch.

Do you have ANY idea how many people have been molested or raped by their mothers, or grandmothers? No. Because “women don’t do that”.

Rape is not an XY gene. Rape is everywhere

Men may be the vast majority of rapists who get caught, or even acknowledged. But patriarchy and the idea of helpless, sexless women is where your 2% statistic comes from.

How about we stop arguing about WHO rapes, and start fighting against ALL rape?

I’m only addressing this because it’s irresponsible and dangerous to spread around false information like this.

You pulled that notion of where that statistic comes from out of you ass.

Nobody here said that female rapists don’t exist.

Nobody here said that rape is an XY gene.

Nobody here said rape has anything to do with sex (re: your comment about women being viewed as “sexless’ so they aren’t considered rapists).

Nobody here said that mothers and grandmothers have never been rapists as well.

You follow my blog, but it’s like you don’t read it at all. I advocate for proper education about rape and rape culture. I support and advocate all rape victims - that, of course, includes men and boys. But part of fighting against all rape is addressing who the majority of the perpetrators are, and that is men.

It’s not a gene, but it is absolutely a culture.

I am sorry that you have had female rapists in your family. They are disgusting. But that doesn’t change the fact of the matter that most rapists are men, and I don’t appreciate false information like what you’ve added attached to my posts.

Anonymous: I was just explaining my frustration at those sorts of conversations in general, especially the people who start them. "Wellllll women do it too!" is redundant, and shifts the focus off of the victims. Male, female, gender nonconforming, whatever. Yes, I agree with your reasoning for not making that post. I love your blog!

Okay, gotcha!

Sometimes I think people are actually just really ignorant and want to continue hating and abusing women. But other times, I think it is a purposeful tactic to try and rid us of our energy for real issues, if they can have us chasing our tails all day and night.

And thank you so much! :-)

Anonymous: Sometimes I feel like we feminists spend too much time trying to disprove/debunk people who spread lies like "women are perpetrators just as much as men" and not enough time actually focusing on the VICTIMS. Like, that holds everyone back.

I’m not sure what you’re getting at specifically - are you just saying that you agree it would have been as waste of time to try and make that post I was going to make?

I feel like everyone I would associate with is concerned with victims.