I was originally planning on deleting the most recent series of posts/asks, because I don’t like the bad vibes clogging up people’s dashes. However, I think it’s actually something important to come back to and revisit. What I’m thinking of specifically, is the first anon, and how many people (who sent me anons afterwards), jumped on me about how I could be so mean to someone so nice.
It was actually more than a little concerning that these people didn’t notice the (to me) obvious signs, or have the eye to notice a specific motive, but then I remembered it’s not normal to have that eye. It comes as an unfortunate bonus for surviving under other circumstances. I have an eye for it at all levels.
I’m not saying that first anon is the worst person ever, but they had motive, and their intentions were plain as day, even though their tone may have read as “pure”… they weren’t nice. They may or may not be abusive to other people in their lives, but they certainly have a honed skill set for communicating in a way that is supposed to hurt, and turn people against their target when they not-so-nicely bash back against it.
I’ve got 20 anons in the past five minutes telling me more about myself and how I run this blog. Next one to do it gets my password (and this blog).
(to everyone else, sorry for this road bump)
mayeflower asked: I think the anons writing in recently are confusing "personal growth" with people demanding that you spoon-feed them. You always encourage learning here on your blog. You refuse to do other people's work for them, which is totally and absolutely fair. There's a difference, and they're missing it. I love your blog and I think what you post is always insightful. You've been a huge part of my feminist tumblr experience. Thanks for dealing with the bullshit and sticking around.
I started to write a longer response, but basically it all comes down to me saying thank you for this ask, and thank you for understanding. :-) xx
Anonymous asked: you literally just proved that person's point, though
Yeah… unless attacking me with nonsense is part of their “growth and development as a feminist” then I don’t think so. Nice try. Feel free to send another ask actually outlining that thesis though.
A grown-ass woman who’s been around long enough to recognize the stench of shit and keep movin’ along.
Anonymous asked: You just reblogged a text post about how learning is mutable and changes and whatnot. While I cannot think of the exact wording at the moment, this upsets me. You so often disregard or are rude to people who simply haven't learned enough yet. I love your blog, I really do. It has taught me so much and made me a better person. But I find it amusing that you would reblog something about how learning is a process when you often seem to forget that in your asks.
Are you for real? You are infuriating and I hope you unfollow me. Seriously.
This is some back and forth (reminiscent of gas-lighting) bullshit and I’m not having any of it. "I love your blog… but I find it amusing that…". No. Prefacing that crap by saying you love my blog is not going to make me some pushover. I know those tactics, and it makes sense that you are anon. *yawns*
I don’t even think you read this blog that closely because I purposefully reach out to people on all levels of their journey. I’ve been (and am still on) that journey myself. I talk about how I am always learning and developing. Constantly. Every day. I have even talked about how when I first started this blog, over two years ago now, I was not yet comfortable calling myself pro-choice because of my traditional, conservative, religious upbringing. I would feel so much guilt that I couldn’t say it. And you come here (once again, anon), and tell me that I don’t understand that it’s a process? You think I don’t understand that we’re all coming from different places, and that some people need to be approached differently than others? Really?
Right before I got this ask I was thinking how I am in such a dark spot right now; but what gets me lower I think, is bullshit like this. People who have the gull to tell me something about myself, something that I know is not true, just so far off base. And so I’m left feeling like I’ve been here doing nothing but wasting my time.
curious-in-motion asked: So I fully agree with you that traditional gender roles are rigid and that it's silly to think that they are the "right" way to have a relationship between any pair. However I am a heterosexual female and actually enjoy taking on the female role in my relationships. I like being the submissive, vulnerable female and my man to take on the more dominant role. Though my preference is probably due to culture and upbringing, I like what I like. What's your take on this?
There isn’t a way to tell how much the culture and normalized roles have affected your attitude and prefaces in the bedroom, but yes, they probably have. That’s not unique to you, that’s everybody living in a culture. I think it’s important to think about these things and explore them, but I’m not saying it’s wrong/bad that what gets you off is being submissive.
However, I do have a problem with the interchanging of submissive and female, male and dominant. I don’t like that one bit. That erases a lot of people (thinking same sex relationships in particular, non-binary/genderqueer, etc.) But also, to equate women across the board with submissive, and men as dominant reinforces a lot of harmful stereotypes and inequalities.