The absence of an enthusiastic yes, is a no.
The absence of an informed yes, is a no.
The absence of a sober yes, is a no.
The absence of a response, is a no.
The existence of coercion, is a not a yes.
The existence of manipulation, is a not a yes.
The existence of guilt, is a not a yes.
A no is always a no. A yes is only a yes if it stands up by itself, without force or persuasion of any kind.
ok but like
The tags attached to fandrunk’s “ok but like” commentary are:
- - there’s so many other factors
- - who the fuck sits down in the middle of hooking up to sign a contract that says yes i want this sex
- - if the person having sex with you isnt aware that you dont want to because you wont say no thats not really rape sorry
I’m sharing that, because I don’t want things to get lost in translation. I don’t want people to think I’m taking issue with “ok but like”. Anyway…
Fandrunk, you also reblogged a post to your page that says if you ever do or say something problematic to call you the fuck out. So that’s what I’m doing. But this isn’t just “problematic”, this is rape apologism. This is the kind of thing that allows rapists to slip through the cracks, allows rapists to continue believing that they are not, in fact, rapists.
If someone is so out of tune with their partner that they can’t tell or don’t see their partner does not want to have sex with them, then they probably aren’t mature enough to be having sex. And even when they have a consenting partner, they probably aren’t having good sex, because they are not willing to communicate. But I digress. We’re talking about rape, not sex…
You’ve turned this notion of having secure consent into a joke with likening it to the chore of “signing a contract”. It’s not a joke. It’s not optional. It’s not an extra curricular. And once again, maybe it’s a maturity thing, but if you are going to be sexually active, you should always be checking in with your partner. And if you are making excuses for people who don’t, or simply can’t be bothered to, then that’s rape.
A rapist can’t be bothered by asking for consent, because they don’t actually care about getting it. By not asking, by not checking in with their partner, or even caring if their partner wants to proceed, they are “blurring the lines” and obtaining the excuse: but they didn’t tell me no, or they seemed fine. The reality of the matter is, there are no blurred lines, just rapists who want people to believe that so they can continue getting away with it.
And for people who think it’s all an innocent misunderstanding, think about this: If you aren’t sure your partner absolutely wants to have sex with you, why on earth would you want to proceed?