I was sexually and physically abused by my stepfather for 4 years. I don't think some guy who you went to lunch with should be called an "abuser" for saying a few hurtful things. I am damaged beyond point of repair. I wouldn't post shit on tumblr. Also, if it were really that fucking personal, you would be public with it. Abuse is horrible and i feel like you are taking an occurrence and calling it abuse.
TW: (Sexual) Abuse
I just got home and am exhausted. I was at the SAG-AFTRA Conservatory Intensive all day. Unfortunately, I read your message when I first woke up this morning, and have been carrying it with me since.
I’ve been thinking of what to say here over and over again, and I hate that I’ve given it, and you, this much time. You don’t deserve it because of the complete lack of respect and care you’ve shown for me.
You started out your message of disrespect with not using a trigger warn. I have asked people to please be respectful of that probably over 50 times. Do I just need to stop running this blog to not get bombarded with that shit?
Then you tell me that I shouldn’t call my long time abuser, my abuser. You think he is just “some guy I went to lunch with”? I’m sorry (not sorry), but I’ve talked about him in this space more than a handful of times, and don’t feel the need to justify my experiences to anyone, and that includes you.
When I facilitate battered women’s support groups I don’t wait until they are done and then tell them my abuse is worse. Sure, based on what they’ve said, I could say my abuse was worse. And since you want to play that game, my abuse has gone on longer than four years… but that’s not a fucking game I want to play. It’s disgusting and demoralizing. I don’t want to hurt or dismiss anyone in that way. Abuse and oppression and pain are not games, nor a competition.
Do you want me to send you the pictures I took as physical evidence of the abuse back when things were really bad and I thought maybe I should start a paper trail in case I ever decided to file charges? Do you want me to personally send you those pictures. Come off anon and gift me your email. Is that what it takes for you to lay off and provide me with some decency and respect?
Now he hasn’t touched me in over a year now, The worst of the abuse was when we lived together, and I know I’ll never go back there. Is the current struggle I’m dealing with, that still leaves other kinds of scars less valid to you?
Did you know that my younger sister reads this blog, and maybe I don’t want her to read all the details. Maybe I want to be a resource and a light for people, but I don’t want to share everything. Did you know that I get harassed and threatened every day on this blog, and so for safety purpose do not really everything that happens, because it is used against me. Did you know that already happened with my rape - yes, after I talked about it, hate followers would re-tell it back to me and tell me they wanted to do the same thing. And since you want full disclosure, did you know my abuser is not the same person as my rapist. I don’t see why that matters or how it’s relevant to anything, but you seem to want to know everything, so I’m giving it to you.
I, too, feel damaged beyond the point of repair in so many ways, but I’ll be damned if I’m not still going to try. And I’m sure as hell not going to give a flying fuck about you ever again, or anyone else for that matter who tries to diminish my experiences, especially when you don’t know a damn thing about them.