The absence of an enthusiastic yes, is a no.

The absence of an informed yes, is a no.

The absence of a sober yes, is a no.

The absence of a response, is a no.

The existence of coercion, is a not a yes.

The existence of manipulation, is a not a yes.

The existence of guilt, is a not a yes.

A no is always a no. A yes is only a yes if it stands up by itself, without force or persuasion of any kind.

ok but like 

The tags attached to fandrunk’s “ok but like” commentary are:

  • - there’s so many other factors
  • who the fuck sits down in the middle of hooking up to sign a contract that says yes i want this sex
  • - if the person having sex with you isnt aware that you dont want to because you wont say no thats not really rape sorry

I’m sharing that, because I don’t want things to get lost in translation. I don’t want people to think I’m taking issue with “ok but like”. Anyway…

Fandrunk, you also reblogged a post to your page that says if you ever do or say something problematic to call you the fuck out. So that’s what I’m doing. But this isn’t just “problematic”, this is rape apologism. This is the kind of thing that allows rapists to slip through the cracks, allows rapists to continue believing that they are not, in fact, rapists.

If someone is so out of tune with their partner that they can’t tell or don’t see their partner does not want to have sex with them, then they probably aren’t mature enough to be having sex. And even when they have a consenting partner, they probably aren’t having good sex, because they are not willing to communicate. But I digress. We’re talking about rape, not sex…

You’ve turned this notion of having secure consent into a joke with likening it to the chore of “signing a contract”. It’s not a joke. It’s not optional. It’s not an extra curricular. And once again, maybe it’s a maturity thing, but if you are going to be sexually active, you should always be checking in with your partner. And if you are making excuses for people who don’t, or simply can’t be bothered to, then that’s rape.

A rapist can’t be bothered by asking for consent, because they don’t actually care about getting it. By not asking, by not checking in with their partner, or even caring if their partner wants to proceed, they are “blurring the lines” and obtaining the excuse: but they didn’t tell me no, or they seemed fine. The reality of the matter is, there are no blurred lines, just rapists who want people to believe that so they can continue getting away with it.

And for people who think it’s all an innocent misunderstanding, think about this: If you aren’t sure your partner absolutely wants to have sex with you, why on earth would you want to proceed?


If you feel that someone is being abusive to you, it is not an overreaction to tell them. It’s not even an overreaction to just flat-out end it and leave. You are worth nothing short of love and respect. If you are in a relationship where you aren’t getting that from someone, then that someone doesn’t deserve you.

They don’t deserve your time or your tears.

You don’t deserve the abuse.


I couldn’t do anything right, and that included breathing. Something about it had to be wrong.

^^^ How it clicked for me that I was in an abusive relationship.

Your tagging system is so efficient and easy to navigate! I so so so appreciate the time you take to tag all your posts and it's helping me out a lot today. I thought I'd send you a gigantic THANK YOU!

I’m so glad you’re finding it beneficial, and putting it to good use! :-)




Just taking care of some literal garbage.

Really. Really? No.

If you burn any book. ANY BOOK. You have just lost your argument to me. It could be fucking Mein Kampf, and you’ve lost your argument. It could be a book full of nothing but insults to me, and if you burn it, you have lost your argument.

**Swirly flourish of putting on glasses**

I am a bookworm. A special kind of nerd. And you have just made me very, very cranky.

oh my god bruh i’m so embarrassed for you

I don’t care if you burn a book, especially that one… but I hope you didn’t pay for it? Buying it just to burn it would still stand to profit those shitty “sexy feminism” endeavors.

(via takealookatyourlife)

At what age do you personally believe it is okay for a woman to be sexual? This is in response to your post about "barely legal" women in magazines. The general sexual exploitation of all women in media put aside, at what point/age does it stop being gross for a woman to be consensually displayed in a sexual way in our media?

I think what really bothers me about this sort of thing is the framing of it all.

A woman being sexual as herself, as a human being, as a woman… that has so little, if anything at all to do with posing scantily clad on the cover of Esquire or any other shit rag. Doing something like that is a business decision, it’s a marketing and publicity call, it’s something a manager will probably suggest to “further your career”.

That’s a patriarchal bargain, it’s not about a woman’s sexuality. Even if it’s something she is cool with, it’s not about her being okay with it, that’s not why she was called to do it, and that’s not why her manager gave her the thumbs up on it.

I’d rather spend my time thinking about how we can make it so women aren’t expected to do things like that in order to be “marketable”, in order to be “sexy”, in order to be worthwhile to straight men… I’d rather spend my time thinking about how much women have to offer the world outside of how Photoshop can make them look.

[Excerpt from Ariel Levy’s book, ‘Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture’]: “This isn’t free love. Raunch culture isn’t about opening our minds to the possibilities and mysteries of sexuality. It’s about endlessly reiterating one particular and one particularly commercial, shorthand for sexiness.”